I got a date. It’s 194 days away. You can find us at Pikes downtown. To watch the men in the yellow coveralls throw salmon. Maybe he will buy me some flowers. Maybe he won’t. I see you everyday now. Just a few more weeks and I will have shaken the past.
This never fails to make me laugh like crazy.
I took this photo as I rounded a bend in Buffalo Wyoming. I have driven all across this country and this is one of my favorite photographs. Macon, GA to Seattle, WA. Gracias Iphone.
Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
I am thankful for all the graces in my space these days. Don’t let me fool you, it means more than I convey. Please forgive me for my semblance. I have forgotten my ways. I am knuckle dragging trying to remember how to walk upright. I will get there. Evolution is a tricky thing these days. I am concerned with how quickly I evaporated. Water vapors are predictable, thankfully. Those molecules will gather somewhere. When I find them I will pour the leftovers in my mermaid mug and be nourished. Don’t worry about me. I spend the days studying human interaction. Life recovery is delicate. A lotus flower blooms from my foot. It will keep me walking forward. I’ll keep digging through the filing cabinet in between my sternum. Frantically searching for certified files containing identity. I will dig it out.
“And Max, the king of all wild things, was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all.” ― Maurice Sendak, Where the Wild Things Are
I got this feeling from it all. It pulses in my head and quickly leaves a trace of guilt. Like this new lightness in my soul is wrong. You should miss it. You. The accumulation of frozen wheatgrass and stains on the rug. Smashed dinnerware on taco night and window shield starbursts. I picked up the art of wall conversations. When they grew weary of my antics I would step outside light my lungs on fire and trust fall into the humidity. Georgia was good to me like that. She took me in on those nights wasted waiting. I would sit on the patio furniture I bought you for fathers day. Thank God we have no kids. I drank tea with honey and watched a family of blue tailed lizards run out from baseboards. I didn’t even miss you then. It was four years in total. Only a handful of months did your shadow manage to cross mine. It shouldn’t be this easy. Like I got no heart or something. Like I never could or have loved a man.
If we ever meet up by chance please, for my sake, tell me I loved.
The Addams Family Values, 1993